just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
