if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
