Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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