you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
