Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
