I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
