you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
