Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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