You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
