Kiss
Puke
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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