The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
