The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
