Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
