Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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