I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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