I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
