How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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