how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
