Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
