It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
