Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
