so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
