i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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