D3 body, D1 cock
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
