who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
