did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
