Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
