shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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