Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
