It's Friday. Sex?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
