Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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