i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
