it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
