how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
whose ass print is on the piano?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
