Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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