i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
