Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
