Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
