it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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