I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
