News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
