i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
