How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
