that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
