I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
