how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
