do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i drank out of a bidet.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
