Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
So many bounce houses so little time
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
