More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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