i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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