Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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