I need help removing her.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
