his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
