I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
